I Kissed Dating Goodbye

In 1997, Joshua Harris published a book with a revolutionary way of thinking about dating: to kiss it goodbye.
Fourteen years later and his best seller is still being read by millions.
I read I Kissed Dating Goodbye when I was thirteen, way before I had ever considered dating, boyfriends and marriage. Along with thousands of young women around the country, I gobbled it all up. I never made a promise not to date but I agreed that dating didn't work and that courtship was the way to go.

Seven years later and my view has changed, but not in the way you might think.
I agree with Mr. Harris on many accounts. I do believe that Christian dating as it is now is a fruitless game that eventually leaves both parties dissatisfied. I agree that there are too many young men and woman out there who make the dating game their idol. I agree that while a person is single, they can focus more on living a life that honors God rather than looking for their next date.

However, there are some things that may have missed the mark.
While Mr. Harris has the best intentions for those who are reading it, it is insinuated that anyone who continues to date after reading the book is not living a life pleasing to God. While I agree wholeheartedly that many people date for all the wrong reasons, I don't believe that everyone who dates is going against the will of God. God works in mysterious ways. While I believe that when it's God's will, it'll be, I am not exclusive in thinking that only not-dating is what God wants for every person.

One thing I really took in when I was reading was how personal his "no-dating" conviction was. And I guess that's where I am in my own life. Seven years after reading this book with my peers, I get to see the results. Some continue to date aimlessly. Some have firmly decided to not date until they get married. And others, the more common result, began dating but after getting hurt multiple times, they decided that God's will for them was to not date.

While I'm all for people to stick to their convictions, I tend to become skeptical of the validity of such a conviction when it's spawned as a result of a heartbreak. If someone decides not to date because they feel God has called them not to date, then that's great. But if someone has suddenly decided not to date because of heartbreak and then says that it is "God's will" for them, I have a little trouble with that.
The decision not to date -- or to date -- is a personal decision. Dating as Mr. Harris experienced it did not work for him so he decided to court, which did. In my own observations, I have seen my friends who used the excuse of "courtship" as a way of becoming too serious, too fast and only hurting each other in the end. This cannot be what Mr. Harris intended.

And yet I wonder if this is what Mr. Harris intended at all.
He published a book based on his own personal convictions that grabbed the attention of the world, thus making his personal decision a public one. As a result, he received a lot of criticism as well as a lot of praise. Then a few years later when his method worked and he got married, the world started watching again. His critics called it lucky while his admirers raved that his method worked.

I do not claim to be an expert on dating and relationships but I will say this, I think that Mr. Harris saying that it was God's will for him not to date was perfect for him... but that may not be perfect or God's will for everyone.

I have seen plenty of stories for both sides of the story: the happily married of those who dated and didn't as well as the single and unhappy of those who dated and didn't.

In the end, I think whatever someone chooses to do concerning dating is truly between them and God. While Mr. Harris wrote convincingly and his story ended up working out -- no life is the same and God's will is not something that can be generalized. After all, He's God... not us.

Overall Rating: 3.5/5
Having been surrounded with the ideals of "kissing dating goodbye" for most of my life, it was harder to be biased and I readily admit to that. However, I think I was given an advantage with having grown up with the "kissing dating goodbye" ideas around me. It gave me the unique opportunity to not only read the book but to see how it played out in the lives of those around me. For some, it worked and worked well. For some, it didn't work at all. Dating or no dating, I think it really comes down to a decision that is personal. And that's what I Kissed Dating Goodbye reads as: a personal commitment that was made public and that the public applied to themselves without evaluating it for themselves.

Me ke aloha pau ole a hui ho.

<3


I received this book for free to review from Waterbrook Multnomah.